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Transactional Analysis, the modality of therapy I use in my practice, was created by Eric Berne in the 1960's. It is a communication model and allows me to help you understand why you have become the person you are today and how you relate to others.

Human Beings live to relate to others. It is how we define ourselves be it by withdrawing from others and being alone, engaging with others and never being alone, or somewhere in between.

Berne's clever but simple diagrams of Ego States allows us to 'feel' the three parts of ourselves that we use to function and Karpan's Drama Triangle allows us to diagram Berne's Psychological Games, the unconscious process of inviting or being invited into a dynamic that will have a negative outcome.

These are just two of many theories Berne has gifted to us to help us understand ourselves better and allow me as a therapist to increase your awareness and therefore options in your recovery.

Berne's basic principal and belief that we are all OK and that everyone has the capacity to think and make their own decisions allows self responsibility within a caring and supporting framework of therapy.

For the most part it has been about their changing roles and how that requires a different form of communication. 'Mrs' had been a mother, wage earner and ran the house with military precision; 'Mr' had worked long hours for many years and took a back seat in the running of the household as was common in their generation. Now that the children were adults they found themselves with no family to look after or work to go to.

Both were at sea.

Looking at their communication patterns helped them understand that having a family meant that there was not much time for direct talking to each other and it usually entailed something about the kids or family or work or getting ready for the next day. The energy and adrenaline that that required from 'Mrs' was still running and to a certain extent 'Mr' deferred to her organising abilities.

Now however, Mrs, wanted Mr to be a more 'present' part in her life, rather than just be an onlooker with a part to play. Mrs felt as if he did not care but as we talking in couples therapy, both began to understand that Mr needed to be more proactive in the relationship in order for Mrs to be seen and recognised.

Mr processed his thoughts internally while Mrs talked her thoughts. A talker and a thinker can often perceive each other as a nagger and not listening respectively.

As we practised ways of helping Mr to say more of what he thought, mrs became less nagging and felt more secure because she was 'seen' and no longer had to vie for attention.

The difference is palpable. Mrs describes the feeling as at last having 'ground beneath my feet' while Mr reports that these few things don't feel hard to do and he is so pleased at what a difference they are making to his wife.

Both see the outlook for the future good and plans are afoot to move back in together.